I've been listening to Tracy Chapman's song "CHANGE"….over and over and over again today. It was given to me from a friend who is experiencing the same Alzheimer loss.
If you knew that you would die today
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad how good does it need to get?
How many losses how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around makes you try to explain
Makes you forgive and forget
Makes you change
Makes you change
If you knew that you would be alone
Knowing right being wrong
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings a pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad how good does it need to get?
How many losses how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Today I went to see Jerry. It was a real awakening again. A dog trainer had come with therapy golden retrievers. They were beautiful and kind and attentive.
Jerry was seated in a comfortable club chair. I went over and sat on the arm of the chair…placed my arm around him and stroked his hair. He didn't know me.
I really didn't look in his eyes. I just looked at his frail arm and hand and felt his chest. I don't understand how anyone can live in this emaciated condition.
He does not know pain. He is not aware. I am thankful.
I've been crying off and on today. The end is near. Days. Weeks. Maybe months.
The reality is…..
If you knew that you would die today
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
The end of life is real for everyone.
Soon, the gates will open for Jerry. One thing for sure is that Jesus is opening that gate and it will only be a matter of time before he is ushered into that beautiful unimaginable heaven where there will be no more weeping and he will be whole again. I can only imagine what awaits this beautiful human being. I will be only ecstatic with joy for him. Not to be held captive. To be free!
There is a time when all of us look back on our life and ask….."would I change?"
If I had known this was our journey would I have changed it? No! Would I choose it? No! But, I would do it again….marry Jerry again…live this journey again? Yes! God has revealed himself in ways I could not have imagined.
His grace and mercy..words cannot explain.