The Last Straw

This blog is suppose to be an honest respresentation of life as a caregiver of a beloved dementia victim.  Many times, I gloss over a lot of episodes. Tonight is the last time, I’m taking Jerry to a social function.  Many may say, “well, why did she take him, anyway?”  Well, it was an art reception for a friend of mine.  These friends all know Jerry and our situation.  We all try to support each other and attend each other’s receptions.

Today has been one of those days where I’ve had to walk on eggshells.  John came.  John’s been a big help to me around the house and he absolutely loves Montana but Jerry’s reaction to him has not exactly been positive lately. Possibly he thinks John is trying to come in a take over....even his dog!  John and I were constantly trying to build him up  in hopes of winning his approval.  No matter how much we tried, Jerry continued to be a “PIB” (short for pain in the butt)  with his attitude and body language.   So we decided to cut it short.

Needless to say, I was a little peeved at Jerry.  I walked him upstairs and got him to take his nap.  (under duress.) ONE HOUR LATER...he came out.

Tonight was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I took Jerry with me to the reception.  I fixed Jerry a small plate of appetizers and sat him in a nice comfy chair off to the side.  With one eye on Jerry, I tied to carry on some type of conversation with the attendees about the wonderful artwork on display.  I glanced over and saw the UNPARDONABLE SIN!  There was Jerry at the “trough”, with the cheese spreader in this mouth.  I dearly died with embarassment and wanted to crumble in a million pieces.  Then, I wanted to jump off a bridge.  Then, I wanted to pretend I didn’t know him.  THEN, I TOOK THE KNIFE AND WASHED IT.  AND LEFT!

I cried all the way home.  Jerry was completely oblivious to what he had done.  He didn’t understand, AT ALL, why I was upset.  That made it even worse!

There’s no arguing with a dementia person.  Their perception is what is right in their eyes and there is no changing it or rationalizing it or trying to explain your point of view.  It is what it is!  More days like this and I might have to quit.

I’m going to bed now.