Big Mistake

I’ve  wondered how in the world I was going to make this transition as smooth as possible.  I mean, whatever we do is not going to be easy.
So, I thought, maybe I could try to appeal to Jerry as to how WE can plan OUR future.  Engage him.  We’re a TEAM. Always have been.  Always will be.  Right?  Wrong!
Poor Jerry.  I thought I’d try to test the waters tonight and see if he could vaguely understand that things are going to change.  He realizes he’s declining, in fact, cries a lot.  He also hovers over me when I’m on the computer and listens when I am on the phone.  I think he’s been suspicious that something’s up.
So, tonight, I fixed dinner (what a surprise).  Once we sat down, he began  struggling to tell me that he did a good job.  I reassured him that  “you’ve been wonderful and have taken such good care of your family.  You’re the most wonderful hubbie anyone could ever have. “  He was happy to hear that.   I, then,  reminded him that we are in this together and that we have been a team for 39 years and will always be here for each other.   But, since he’s having a little more trouble these days, I need help.  He started to cry.  I asked him how he felt about going to Raleigh for a little while.  We could “travel" (to Raleigh)...just he,  I and "the dog".  Then,he began trying desperately to talk or explain.  The harder he tried, the more confused he became. The more confused he became, the more he cried.   As much as I tried to be patient and listen....stroke his hand to calm became evident to me that trying to involve him in this decision was a big mistake.
I remained calm but would occasionally attempt to say something funny or lighthearted.  Then, I gave up.  I calmly got up and started clearing the dishes and he stomped up the stairs.  THEN, get this......he came back down as if nothing had ever happened.  Unbelievable!   I honestly don’t think he even knew what had happened at that table.  WIthin 15 minutes he had gone from terribly upset to completely oblivious and wondering where the dog was.
So, I’m going this alone.  The decision will be mine.  In a way, it’s better.  I won’t be trying to explain or reason or convince or whatever I feel I need to do to make it a happier experience.  Its going to SUCK.  (I can’t believe I just said that!)