It has been 14 months, since Jerry has been living at his new home. I can’t believe it has been that long. There are some days when the days are endless and some that are delightful and actually happy. Last week, on Facebook, I posted a short update on Jerry stating he didn't know me. I couldn't help but be a little melancholy as I watched giddy Spring break vacationers anticipating their week at the beach. The sun was shining and the flowers were beginning to bud but I wasn't feeling so happy inside. "It's just not fair!" I thought.
Spring is here and Easter is rapidly approaching. Easter, to me, signifies new life. It is my absolute most favorite holiday. New life is evident in nature and it is demonstrated in Jesus's resurrection. Hope! New life! A new beginning! Yet, while I await a bright, carefree future that will be a respite from a heavy heart, I realize that new life ahead will not be without it's pain and anguish. Even Jesus, who was willing to complete his mission, asked his Heavenly Father, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” Matthew 26:39. I prayed that many times in the beginning of this journey thirteen years ago…"God, take this cup away from us. Please!"
In spite of knowing this is our cup to keep, I will say, that it has not gone without its rewards. Yesterday, while visiting Jerry, we met with our Hospice Chaplain for the first time. Jerry, while his mind is sporadic at best, is still able to get around in his 6'4", 145 pound frail body. As we sat in a circle with Pastor Jim, he pulled out his guitar and began to sing Amazing Grace. Jerry, with his gentle blue eyes, looked over toward me. His eyes rimmed with tears and he attempted to join in. It was a real connection. A GOLD NUGGET. After we prayed together, we stood up and I pulled on my jacket. Jerry reached over and gently helped me straighten it. Pastor Jim remarked, "Awe, look. He's helping you. So sweet." ANOTHER GOLD NUGGET.
So, while this is not a journey I would have selected, I am grateful. It keeps me grounded and mindful of what really matters. I hear the words of songs such as: “He’s my brother, he ain’t heavy.” “It’s me, the one who really loves you.” So many with themes of endless love. I cannot express the gratitude of such a rich relationship. Treasures beyond imagination. Yet, hope for a future. I am so blessed.