For a moment, I’d like to say something really personal. Actually, the blog is very personal, however, this is the most personal of all.
In a recent discussion with someone, a comment was made, “You seem to think you need God in your life.” I shook my head “yes”. They respectfully but resentfully continued, "Well, I figure you’re an intelligent person so who am I to criticize you for that....but you certainly aren’t a sinner.” I think this person views me as some sort of saint or something. (Last time I looked in the mirror, my halo had a few dents in it.) His words caught me a little off guard but it got me to thinking.
Here’s my belief. Thus, “viewer discretion advised.”
I DO NEED GOD IN MY LIFE. Having God in my life does not change my circumstances. It changes my response to them.
Consider if I didn’t. Jerry and I have been together for over 40 years. We were childhood sweethearts. We were, and still are, one flesh. The “whole” that grew from innocence to seasoned. Who experienced pain, struggled, played, fought, laughed, planned and built a life together. We were a wink and a nod, the pea and the pod. (that’s from a song.) We were the ying and the yang. But, now ying has lost her yang. Half of me is almost gone. What if “US as a whole" was my identity? Who would I be? A fat old woman with a curvy hole in her side! Incomplete! Is it possible, in the midst of such a dismal situation, to be positive? YES!
Once I was someone’s daughter, but my parents died when I was a young adult. I was a mom, still am, but my children have lives of their own. I’ve found art as a new passion and possibly a new identity. However, what if my art begins to plummet? Who would I be then? A failed artist? Is it possible to stay positive when life’s accolaides are so temporary? YES!
At breakfast the other day, a friend and I were talking. She is training for her first marathon and is a fabulous athlete. Her practice 13 mile run, a month ago, was proof of her dedicated training and she was right on track to meet her goal. Then her back went out! For over a month she has not been able to move, much less walk or run. Her disappointment and frustration was evident as she tearfully said, “I’m so frustrated. I wanted to do this for myself. I am an athlete. This is who I am, my identity.” Is it possible to stay positive when the goals seem unobtainable? YES!
God is my “complete”. It’s already accomplished, so I don’t need to search for my identity. I find fulfillment is directly proportional to the knowledge of God’s love for me. His higher calling for me is the underpinning of my strength and a positive attitude. The sword of Alzheimer Disease runs deep, yet wounds come as no surprise to Jesus who experienced them at his crucifixion. I’ve learned to serve in a way that I never knew was possible. (And it’s not glamorous.) The mission as caregiver is humbling yet an honor that has tested my faith and proved it to be true.