There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head. The wonderful Thanksgiving with my daughter and her family in the mountains was filled with it’s emotions..up and down...elation...and sadness of being without Jerry and knowing that the family that I once knew is different now. When we arrived back home,  I received a phone call from Jerry’s brother.  His momma had passed away from a long awaited journey.  Jerry’s momma had been in a nursing home for 5 years.  Two of those years she was on a feeding tube.  Her passing was long and arduous with very little communication.   The last meaningful communication that Jerry had with her was 5 years ago.  He loved his momma so.  We went to visit her as often as we could, but when Jerry’s condition declined, it was impossible.  Five years ago, Jerry and I took our last road trip.  While traveling across the country from Los Angeles to North Carolina, we stopped in Mississippi to see his dearly beloved momma.  She had a habit of watching at the front door, waiting for her children to stop by.  When we drove up the driveway, she was at the door.  Jerry stepped out of the car and hurriedly walked to toward her.  He weeped, “Momma!  Momma!” as they embraced.   He was in his seventh year of Alzheimer disease.  She was 87.

That picture is still fresh in my mind, but now, at her funeral, he is unable to attend.

When I got the call of her passing, I immediately called my children.  I knew it would be an emotional milestone for all of us.  The fact that Jerry’s mother was gone...and that he was unable to be by her side or attend her funeral.

I am completely overwhelmed with pride over my children.  They immediately went into frenzy mode, rearranged their schedules, found babysitters, cancelled appointments....all to be able to represent their dad.  We were all, within 24 hours, able to jump on a plane and head to Mississippi.  I was so overwhelmed at how God worked out all the details and enabled us to be together in such a beautiful bonding experience. There we were, the four of us, standing shoulder to shoulder.   Katie wore her grandmother’s ring.  Mark wore his daddy’s hat.  Amanda stood tall as the eldest.  What beautiful children I have been blessed with!!!!

Now that several days have passed, I have had time to settle down.  I asked, “Grandmother....are you ok now?”  “Do you know how much your son loved you?”  “I hope beyond hope that you understand why he hasn’t been there in your last years. He loved you so much. ”

I know she is engulfed by the incomprehensible love of God now.  She read her Bible daily..in quiet...was not presumptuous or brazen.  Her faith was quiet and secure.  There is no doubt that she is at peace and experiencing an unfathomable existence now.  Life with Christ ensures that.  No matter what our last years are like......eternity in the presence of our Lord God Almighty is the final peace....we can say....”Aaaaaaah”....”Amen”.....”I’ve done my best.”  ..”Thank you God for your mercy."