Seriously, I've not had ramin noodles since my college years. That was many years ago. Not that I'm poor or anything. It's just that my priorities have changed. No longer is it important to me what I eat. Or what I spend. The days of fine dining and romantic evenings are no longer in my scope of daily life.
After surviving the holidays....the beautiful times of worship and days of frolicking with my grand boys..are over. It's back to reality now. After being away from Jerry for a little over a week, I found myself missing him terribly. This weaning process is so weird. I showed up at his "home" and he was on an outing. So, I waited at the nurses station, catching up on holiday chatter. After about an hour, the troops started coming through the door one wheelchair at a time. I waited ..watched...greeted them all. The wheelchairs were causing a slight traffic jam at the door. Then, Jerry appeared behind them. His eyes sprinted into action, he leaped...even bounded over three wheel chairs get to me..arms stretched out.
This was total confirmation that this was where I belonged. This was where I needed to be. This is my priority. There is no greater purpose in my life than to care for my Jerry....my beloved for so many years who provided for me and enabled me to be with my children. It's the least I can do to be there for him now.
So often...after so many years of Alzheimer's disease....we begin to be accustomed to life without....without the husband.....without the dad....without the granddad. But the truth be told.....it is "WE" who leave the Alzheimer patient...not they who leave us.
For a bit, I have struggled with how to move on. Even the staff has encouraged me to move on. "He is not going to get any better." Jerry is completely secure in his surroundings and very well cared for. Sometimes I think..if I never came back..would he even realize it? BUT, when I arrived and he leaped over three wheelchairs...I realized.....NO! He still needs me...even if for a few minutes. What in the world could be more important than that....but to be there for the one who is helpless and is in his greatest time of need.
Don't know what this has to do with Ramin Noodles. Maybe it's my mind that is "noodley". I suppose it's that ...nothing really matters but to love the one who needs me and love sacrificially. Superficial lovelies are tantalizing and, in this day in age, what's seemingly important...but to me...what is much more fulfilling is to love those who cannot "give' in return. To love those who "in this world" seem to be of disposable value.
I've put my home up for sale. It truly is not a problem. The equity will be put away for the cost of Jerry's care. That is of utmost importance. I don't want him, ever, to be away from his loving and secure environment. Thank GOD, I'm a "nomad" and use to change. I delight in new environments. So moving on, while, I admit is a bit "sniffy", will be ok. Jerry's security is what's most important. That brings me peace. God will provide a new and wonderful place for me. I'm not afraid.
So there's an update. The ramin noodles were quite comfy. We'll see what life brings this year. It will be a good year.