To Throw in the Towel or Not to Throw in the Towel

Boy, I really almost threw in the towel yesterday. (Get it? I live at the beach.) Anyway, I've got all the children and grand children here which makes me really, really happy and EXHAUSTED. There's nothing like the love from one of those boys. As wonderful as they are, however, boys will be boys, and boys are LOUD.

Jerry is usually happy when I tell him they are coming, although he hangs his head down like, "oh no." He doesn't like his comfort zone to be disturbed. The first afternoon, I could tell the grumpies were coming. He sat on the sofa and got all sulky. Grrr! (nothing makes me more mad.) BUT, I didn't react badly. In fact, I didn't react at all. Everyone is very sweet and considerate and knows the story. If anything, I get sad because I don't want my son-in-laws to think he's a grumpy old man. They never knew him when he was well.

Most of the time, Jerry is a real sweet and thoughtful man. However, the second morning Jerry went upstairs to start getting dressed and I realized he was up there for too long. When I got up there he was so confused. Even put his undies in the potty. Not good. (my lip is poking out.) I got him all dressed and we sat on the bed for a while. I wanted to empathize with him that I realized his it was chaotic and he was out of his comfort zone. I also reminded him of how wonderful it is to have children who want to spend time with us. What a privilege! The lecture worked for a couple of days and he did great. (at least for a couple of days.)

Yesterday, he hit his limit. I had him go out with his buddy Robert so he could have some dedicated time and they did all sorts of great stuff, even went for a ferry ride to Ocracoke. When Jerry came home we both took naps. So far, so good. BUT WHEN HE CAME DOWN...NOT SO GOOD! All the company was outside, but Jerry sat on HIS sofa, pounded on the ottoman, and COULDN"T SAY A WORD! That frustrated him even more. I tried to get him to calm down but he shoved the ottoman across the room and stomped outside to the deck. Hands back...I decided to just let him vent.

Now, personally I do not do well with anger. This is uncharted territory. AND, Jerry is not going to keep me from enjoying my kids and grandkids. They are such happy things. The fact that Jerry wouldn't calm down and "talk" to me about this made me want to blow steam out my ears. So, I got little McCauley and we went for a golf cart ride. When I got back, Jerry was better, however, it was ME who was not better. I just didn't want to talk to him. I knew if I did, my claws would come out like a woman with PMS. "grrrrrrrr." So, he followed me around like a puppy trying to help me straighten things up from the beach that day, but I kept ignoring him.

Now, I know some of you say..."It's not him, it's the disease." Yes, you are right. And the disease is taking away the wonderful grand dad and dad. However, I can't let him made them feel unwelcome. It's just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. So, there ya have it. Last night, I almost threw in the towel saying I can't do this anymore.

Thank heavens for a good night's sleep and some time alone. Today, I'm ready to conquer another day. We'll see how things go.