Today, I went to exercise class. It’s been so long since I’ve been and I was not happy with myself. About a year ago, I was addicted to exercise. Especially, Zumba. I have never really been an exercise freak, but I was really getting into it and feeling good. THEN, IT HAPPENED. I reinflamed my old neck injury, laid off for a while, then Jerry declined and it wasn’t convenient anymore for me to get to the gym. All that to say......I’m a fat, weakling now! So, today, in a SILVER SNEAKERS class, I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with myself. Don’t know if you know how we caregivers work, but we must keeping going...even if we neglect ourselves. We (I) don’t wallow in self pity for too long, nor do we (I) confront our emotions for very long. I have to keep pushing myself everyday to keep a positive attitude and be strong. All to the tune of NOT being realistic. All to the tune of NOT making time for staying in shape or taking care of myself.

So, when I got to exercise class and was lifting pitifully light weights instead of jogging around the parking lot...I was getting all mad and sad at myself for letting myself get into this situation. Grrrrr! It’s not going to be easy to get back into the routine...but I’ve GOT to do it. I have to. Without realizing it, I see that all my movements have become as slow as Jerry’s. In fact, he’s gotten to where if I get him to stretch, he’ll fall over. I can’t let myself get to that point, too.

That’s also brings another challenge. If I am all energetic and get all enthused about things, then I come home to Jerry who’s NOT....whoa! That brings a whole new dynamic into the ring. It’s much easier if we are BOTH lethargic. It’s not easy to be all excited to do something, when the other person won’t (can’t) get up and out. How frustrating is that! Oh brother!

I really do think I need a shrink!