Hold On! Hold On!

I haven't left yet.  I'm still winding down.  Can't say good bye to everyone at once. Kathy wrote me yesterday saying that Jerry is adjusting really well.  Said someone came in over the weekend with a karioki machine and they sang for several hours.  Said Jerry came in and was snapping his fingers and knew the words to most every song.  Said he and Jetti, the nurse, sat on the back porch where he stretched out his long legs and seemed to be relaxing.  Those are all good signs.  Today, I called Rodisha.  She said Jerry is doing fine and is laughing and cutting up.  Unbelievable.  They must be absolutely wonderful!

My sweet grandchildren were all very sick with the flu so I decided to cut out early and head for home.  We “old people” don’t rebound from the flu very quickly anymore.  It’s my first time home ALONE since Jerry left.  The silence is deafening.  Seriously, I have a tad bit of a hearing problem and I think I should be hearing noise, talking, shuffling, tv......but everything is silent.    Kind of weird.  I can’t be too sad because I know Jerry is happy.  So, I’m trying to focus on the positive.  YOU!

The blog will be ending shortly, but several people have commented that  I should continue my blog....at least for a little while.  ...  that some people may want to know how one copes after separating from your other half.  I am happy to share, but I don't want it to be a "woe-is-me" blog.  There truly is hope and a future beyond this terrible disease.  Eventually there can be a smile even though the other half of you is missing.  Trust me, if I slow down and allow the melancholy to move in...it surely will.  I’ve found myself with an insatiable need to be productive.  Focusing on my next move “career” wise into stock illustrations and expanding to more locations, keeps me moving forward.  Even sitting for over an afternoon with my little grand babies, I can feel myself losing momentum and spiraling downward.

My entire adult life has been focused on taking care of my family and my soulmate has been Jerry for 41 years.  I still imagine him right beside me, but see that he isn’t there.  There is consolation is knowing that he IS STILL LIVING AND HAPPY even though he is not with me.  Sort of like separate vacations....which we never took.  Hmmm.  Wonder what it will be like when the vacation becomes long and drawn out.  I guess we’ll find out.

For now...I guess he’s  still on one of those “business trips”.  I’m going to see him on Monday.  Yikes!  I’ll keep you posted.  Let’s hope it goes well.  If it doesn’t, I’ll be crying my eyes out to you.