I'm All A Flitter! Off to my first painting class.

Today, Jack came. A volunteer! I got a call last week from the volunteer coordinator of the Coastal Community Action Program.   She said she had a perfect match for Jerry. YIPPI!  This program is federally funded.  FREE! I mean this is better than sex!  I’ve been on the waiting list for THREE years.  Not for sex, but for a volunteer!

Let me explain.

Right after moving here, I signed up with the Senior Corp, a part of the National & Community Service Program, to have a volunteer companion come “hang” with Jerry.  I just wanted him to have a friend.  I didn’t think he was ready for a nurse but he really needed someone else besides his WIFE to pal around with.  Ya know what I mean?

It probably was a good thing that I didn’t get a companion right away.  I really would have struggled with letting him go so soon.  But, over time, I have begun to realize that I was really getting weary.  It’s been 11 years now and my spunk has now diminished to a faint twitter.  "Peep."   I mean, lets face it.  I am not superwoman!  Jerry needs supervision with everything; getting dressed, showers, brushing his teeth, and so on.  By the time I do the meal thing, take him out to the movie, help him read, PLUS, do all the bills, medical insurance, financial issues, maintain the home, CLEAN IT, do the yard, change the oil in the car, and rotate the tires, I’m pretty well spent...get the picture?   The 24/7 thing was just about to do me in.  Plus, I want have energy to be a fun “grammy” to my 4 grand boys.

A few nights ago, it was about 8:30, when we arrived back home after visiting our kids in Raleigh.  You see, Jerry does not drive, so I do all the driving.  I was trying to unload the car and Jerry was wandering with “THE DOG”.  Then, something happened.   I came to a dead halt.  The bags fell out of my hands and I couldn’t bend over to pick them up.  With a blank stare, I shrugged up the stairs to the bedroom and crawled into the bed.  Clothes and all!  Didn’t close the doors, didn’t turn off the lights, I could not move.  My body had said “I’m done.”  HELP, DEAR GOD, HELP!  I can’t do this anymore!

The next day, I received the call.  How cool was that!

Anyway, slowly I’ve been able to “give” Jerry away.  Sniff! I was able to find a “few good men” to step in and help but, because of cost constraints, I could only afford them for a few hours a week.

So, hurray to the National & Community Service Program and their Volunteer Senior Companion Program.  If you need help contact:  www.SeniorCorps.gov

It's Complicated

We went to see  the movie, It’s Complicated, last night.  There were four of us, my girlfriend, Linda, her husband, Jerry and I.   That was the funniest movie about a divorced woman, my age, with an awesome sprawling ranch home in Santa Barbara.  You know, the one with the red tile roof, luscious vegetable garden, pool under the stars, nestled in the foothills of the California Mountains.......  Meryl Streep has an affair with her X husband, the age of our husbands.  (I love it that they’ve come out with movies for the baby boomers!)  I thought we were going to die laughing when Alec Baldwin gingerly positioned his rather large body across her bed, thinking he was “all that”.   Butt naked!  (that’s Jerry’s old expression.) We all laughed  ’til we cried.  As we were walking out, Linda, said,”It makes me wanna run away.”  “Me, too”, I said.  Both of our husbands are, shall we say, having there struggles.  Her man has a terribly hard time with his back, poor guy.  My man?  Well, his back is just fine, it’s his brain that has the problem, poorer guy.

Have you ever felt like you just want to run away?  Please tell me that I’m not the only one.   I think that has to

be a normal emotional reaction to our situation, don’t you think?  You know...fight or flight?  BUT, lest you get tempted......DON’T!! Remember, temptations are designed to bring us down.  Our little trial is here to build us up and make us stronger.  WE CAN DO IT!    WE HAVE TO!   These dear hearts  deserve our love and respect.

With "sisters" and friends we can run the race and stick it out together.

Brie Did It!

Ok, you caregivers, you.  Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.  “What?”  you say.  Turn the hose on your man!  Did any of you watch Desperate Housewives a few weeks ago.   It was the episode where Orson didn’t want to take a shower.  Brie had been Orson’s caregiver and became so frustrated that she rolled him outside in his wheelchair and turned the hose on him.  I was laughing so hard I could hardly hold myself up.

I admit it!  I’ve done it!  Several years ago on an absolutely perfect day, “we” had been doing all sorts of outside projects.  You know how it is when spring has arrived and you can’t wait to get out there and plant that new bed of annuals.  I brought Jerry out, handed him a shovel, (which he never could figure out how to use) and I began pruning all of winter’s leftovers.  We sipped lemonade.  Doesn’t that sound romantic?  It was probably just a diet coke, but I had to make it fit the painting.  Jerry, wandering in and out of the house, and me, digging in the dirt, thoroughly enjoyed putsing around together all day.

What usually happens is I get a little over-enthusiastic and tend to go for too long. I get exhausted and Jerry gets confused.  By now, it was getting dark and time to come in. Jerry walked in the front door into our newly painted periwinkle foyer as I stood at the threshold outside watering my last pot of red geraniums.  I suggested he go on upstairs and take a shower.  Standing in front of the stairwell, he looked at me with a puzzled expression and asked, “up stairs?”   I pointed, “Yes, go on up the stairs.”  “What stairs?”  “Those stairs right in front of you.”  “What?”  “Go up the stairs, Jerry”. “You mean these stairs”.  GRRRRRRRRR!  “Yes, those stairs!”  With great frustration he spouted out “@$^#”.

Instantly, I felt my skin begin to crawl and tension climb up my neck.  As I watched him still standing there, dazed, I raised the water hose that I had in my hand and sent water full blast INTO the foyer.   The spraying was relentless!  I couldn’t help it!  It just came out!  It felt so good.  But I felt so bad.

Without a sound, Jerry went up the stairs and got dressed.  I rolled up the hose and toweled down the foyer, laughing the whole time.  I guess this is what you call comic relief. Now listen, you guys, I am not a meanie.  I just cracked!  Good news is that when Jerry came back down, all dressed and “showered”, we hugged and we laughed about it together.  Ah, what a couple.

THE DOG

Have I mentioned our doggie, Montana?  Actually, her name is Montana Rose, the cattle dog.  We adopted her on the way through Monument Valley when we were on a road trip a few years ago.  (We travelled a lot that year.)  While  we really didn't have the excess money, I figured it was either now or never.  So we spent 5 weeks travelling on a world cruise, and 3 weeks on a cross country road trip to visit friends and our son in California.  This year of travel has been repeated in Jerry’s memory time and time again. Anyway, back to Montana.  She was named Montana, because we had just spent a week on a cowboy outpost above Yellowstone, then we drove down through Jackson Hole, turned left and headed to Monument Valley.  While we were there, we met a precious couple who had fallen on hard times and had given away all their pets.  Montana was their last one.  There we were, at the only gas station within 100 miles in either direction, cooing over this little 8 week old  black puppy.  Their kids were crying, "no, mommie, no."  I told them about Jerry, and how I had been toying with the idea of a companion dog for him.  Then, Jerry said, "I can hold her in my lap”.  The deal was done.  Montana's parents were search and rescue dogs in Colorado.  It was a match made in Heaven.  That dog sat in Jerry's lap from Monument Valley all the way to Los Angeles.

Montana, has such a uncanny sense of our needs.  She is the most obedient dog we've ever had.  Even though Jerry's words are few, he has captured "the dog" on the edge of his lips.  Believe me, it's "the dog" before me.  "Where's "the dog"?"  "the dog" ...."the dog"..."the dog".  Their bond is so tight that all Jerry has to do is point.  In fact, this morning, Jerry spilled jelly on the floor.  Montana was in her watchful but resting position on the rug about 6 feet away and it wasn't until we were through and Jerry pointed to the blob of jelly that she came to "clean up the floor".  WHAT A DOG!

Here's what's cool.  One thing I try to have Jerry do is walk "the dog".  It takes about 15 minutes for him gather himself up;  find his jacket which is on the seat next to him, zip it up, find the leash which is folded up, on the table.  Ears straight up, Montana sits and waits patiently for him to hook her up. (sometimes he needs help with all these things.)  What's funny is that quite often he goes out the door WITHOUT THE DOG.  It's not until he gets back that I realize that the dog never left.  She’s still with ME.  Ah...such is life!  Just all the more reason for him to try  it again...this time WITH "the dog”.

Humble Servants Can Keep Us From Crumbling

Every Thursday, Bruce takes Jerry out to swing golf clubs.  This man, with his kind and compassionate heart has come to my rescue and allowed me to have Thursdays all to myself.  He doesn't get paid and won't even let me buy his lunch.  In fact, if he knew I was writing about him, he'd probably get irritated at me.  These kind of humble  servants are rare and I consider him a gift from God.  He has saved my  life on many occasions. Anyway, while they were out, I couldn't decide what to paint.  I have several projects underway: a pink bathroom, a white hand painted table, my master bedroom walls, and a couple of paintings for upcoming art shows.  I have these 100 year old doors from an old church and I've made them into a headboard.  I'm insatiable at trying to give old things new life!  Don't exactly know why...maybe it's because that's what Jesus did for me.  You know...made me a new person.   Did you know that he was willing to die for his enemies?  Don't know about you, but I'd consider that real humility!

Moving right along, I'm posting a collage  that I am working on for a show coming up.  It's been such a long work in progress.  STILL NOT FINISHED.  But, here ya go.

Pigs

Before I move onto better things, I wanted to post one of my pigs.  Since Jerry is a TV addict and I’m not, I quite often sit with a sketch pad in my cushy chair next to Jerry while he watches the Everybody Loves Raymond (over and over.)  Since, a pig painting had been requested,  last night,  I did a little brainstorming.  Pigs at a dance, pigs with striped pants, pigs at a beach, pigs fast asleep....you get it.   Then I began to sketch page after page of pigs. Today, I started to loosen up by scribbling with my paint brush some background color.  Using an acrylic base, I painted on a light magenta wash.  Then I sketched a  group of pigs with thin red.  I decided where the light source was coming from, then I painted the darkest darks and the lightest lights.  Before I knew it the pigs were beginning to form. I've found that taking myself "away" for a little while renews my mental outlook and I am much better company for Jerry.  Without that, I grow weary and lose any energy that I need to be positive.  He needs me to be positive.  A person with dementia can sometimes have a tendency to be depressed or negative.  However, I find that if I stay positive, he will follow. Tomorrow.  I might just paint my bathroom.  I think the pigs need a rest.

Afternoon Fiesta

It’s been three years since we moved here to the beach.  It was the seventh year of Jerry’s illness and his decline was becoming more pronounced.  He was immediately declared 100% disabled and began taking social security.  I worked full time for the airlines but needed to reduce to part time in order to be home with him.  Eventually,  I became uncomfortable leaving him for any considerable length of time.  It was either  continue to work and place him in an adult daycare or retire.   I couldn’t bring myself to put him in daycare, I wanted to be able to live our days together for as long as we could.  So we sold our house and moved to the beach.  Our friends were against it but that tugging in my  heart kept saying....GO!  It was the best decision I could have made. Life is simple at the beach.  No worries about deadlines, what to wear, traffic, etc.  We  ride our bikes and walk the beach for exercise.  We are together all time.  Like newlyweds.  We are a couple.   When he was working, he was a business professional that travelled for years, but when he was home, we were a team.  The more he has declined, the more attached we have become.  So, why not be a “retired” couple and live the good life while we still can.

Today our afternoon was spent on the deck.   We don’t have a view of the beach, but we DO have a “pristine lagoon” , better known as a swamp or, as they call it in North Carolina, the “marshlands”.  Still, we are able to watch the sun drop behind those trees every evening as we sit with our marguerite with no care in the world....even if just for a moment.

A Day in the Life

Jerry watched basketball games all day long.  Those games were a great "Jerry" sitter.  I used to despise  "game day" in our younger years.  Jerry was a complete sports fanatic and watched every  sport known to mankind.  He was especially enthusiastic about Alabama.  Roll Tide!  Now I live for sports.  Since Jerry is unable to do much on his own, he’s content and still in his element watching Alabama football or Carolina basketball.   He's happy.  I'm happy. Today, I decided to update my website.  www.suescoggins.com.  For an old person, it was quite a challenge to update the website.  However, I really want to be a "cool" old person and be "techie saavy”.  Sometimes, I think I’m the one who’s got the brain challenge going on.  Anyway, my son, designed my website months ago so all I have to do is take good pictures and update it when I’ve got a new painting.

Painting is a total escape for me.  I figure if we’re going to be housebound, we’d better do things we are passionate about.  Jerry loves to watch and comes down to my studio to check on me.  He’s actually got a good eye, so I solicit his opinion whenever I can get it.  He can seem to spot where there needs to be more color, or where I’ve got something wacky going on.  Then, he goes back up and sits with the dog.

It’s been a good day.

Family and Friends Are Crucial To Survive

[caption id="attachment_14" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="we all need each other"][/caption] It’s been 11 years since Jerry’s  diagnoses.  He’s remained fairly stable with only a gradual decline.  At first, our adjustment to the devastation seemed impossible.  But it was either adjust or self destruct.  It was beautiful to see how friends and family gathered around us to lend their support.

I remember how naggy I became when Jerry would want a beer with his hamburger.  “You need to save those brain cells.” I’d say.  But, as time went on, we realized that we’d better just live life to the fullest while we could.  Most of our friends stuck with us and didn’t mind adjusting along with us.  We would still go out, we’d just go where  it was more quiet and less chaos.  We would still travel, but it was be simpler (we’d let the cruise ship do it for us) .  It was the beginning of the search for the new normal.

All That Is Good

This blog is intended to offer hope and encouragement to those who are caring for a

loved one with Alzheimer Disease.  As you may or may not know, Alzheimer Disease is the

second most fear disease among today’s population, behind cancer.

Let me introduce myself.  My name is Sue Scoggins and I have been caring for my

husband, Jerry, for twelve years.  He was in his prime, fifty, when we heard

those words "early onset Alzheimers” and our world stopped!  After a battery of

neuro-psychological tests, we discovered that Jerry’s frontal lobe was damaged and

his reading skills were on a sixth grade level, his executive functioning was severely

impaired, and he was losing his ability to speak.

Once we processed the initial shock, our emotions ran rampant.  I began to journal.

Journaling helped me cope, however, after months, I found myself journaling into a

downward spiral.  One night, while laying on the bed with my oldest daughter, we began

to laugh about a funny incident when our family was young while driving back from

a Durham Bulls baseball game.  That memory sparked a series of laughter from  our past.

From that moment on, I decided to journal funny memories.

Laughter in the midst of overwhelming sadness, is what has helped us cope and those visual

images in my mind have grown into a passion for painting all that is good.  From our children’s

weddings, to family vacations, to scenes of laughter while people watching, my passion grew.

Jerry would watch as I danced with a paint brush in my hand and he became my most proud sponsor.

Follow me as I attempt to journal daily life of caring for someone with Alzheimer disease.  My

hope this will enlighten you with sensitivity, empathy, and understanding.  I hope that you will

see that you are not alone.  I hope this will enable you to be an encourager and to have hope.

In the world, where so much is confused and lost, my prayer is for peace that surpasses all under-

standing and sight of what is far greater....ALL THAT IS GOOD.