Speechless

Couldn’t sleep last night. Kept counting the wonderful saints who had come to a Jerry information meeting. Last night we had invited all who were interested in volunteering time with Jerry to come to a brief question and answer meeting. As I walked around the corner of the hallway and stuck my head in the door, the room was lined with people. I’ll call them saints. There were about 18. Plus, two were at home keeping Jerry company while the meeting went on. Just think about that. 20 people had Jerry on their mind last night. How blessed we are!

I brought my dear friends, Bruce and Nancy, who have spent countless hours with Jerry. I knew that Bruce would have a wealth of insight. I wish my kids could have heard the kind words said about their dad. “so kind.” “wonderful person”. “gentle heart”. Sniff! They are so right. He is a wonderful man.

The saints will be coordinating 2 days a week, where Jerry gets a visitor. They will rotate so that no one person is overcommitted. After all, they have lives of their own, ya know. I’m so thankful for even 30 minutes. It makes Jerry smile and that “smile” lingers for days. There are two team captains who have volunteered to do the scheduling. Wow! I have two male administrative assistants. Women’s lib....ride on! (Totally kidding.) Actually, they are taking care of the widows and orphans which are commanded in the Bible. However one wants to view it.....I AM SO APPRECIATIVE!

Today is pouring down rain. I love the rain. It’ll keep things a little cooler, since our air conditioner is broken. Jerry’s resting on the sofa. Rainy days do that. He’s watching a golf tournament. I’m sitting right next to him. However, I’m about to break the news to him that I’m going to “work” downstairs. The rain has had a calming effect on him, so I hope that keeps him watching golf for a while. In the meantime, I’m ready to PAINT.

I found my old zumba CD, which I haven’t done in several months. I think I’m going to play it, bring out some dancing photos from my daughter’s wedding and paint dancers. I may even dance a little myself.

Who Knew?

Spent the day painting, today. I’m into flowers these days. Jerry went with Bruce, his best bud. I read so much info on Alzheimers, tips for caregiving, yada yada yada....I forget more than I take in. Today, I tried the coin trick.

So, I emptied the glass of coins on the kitchen table and not only did coins fall out, but so did a bunch of golf tees. As everything rolled out on the table, Jerry automatically started stacking the coins. Pretty cool. He didn't even need tutoring. It kept him busy for about 45 minutes. I’ll keep the coins on the table as permanent fixtures now. In addition, I noticed colored golf tees neatly standing in a row. How 'bout that? Golf tees. Next, I'm bringing in the 5 pound bucket of golf balls from down in the storeroom. I think they need sorting.

Determined Not to Let Alzheimers Take Us Down

Last night, I braved it and had a little dinner party. For 8. At first, I was hestitant because I am basically lazy and also hate rejection. I mean, what if I finally get up the energy and invite people and then they don’t want to come? Whahhhhh! Knowing it’s good for us to be around people, I took the plunge.

Somehow, it began by my timidly asking a friend what they were doing this weekend. Then, it went to, “well, why don’t you guys come over.” Then, "we can maybe go out.” Then, "well, you guys can come over here." Then, "we can invite so and so...and so and so...." Before I knew I was having company!

Hmmm. What should “we" fix? Jerry and I went to the grocery store. He saw corn on the cob...and pointed to it. Ok, “we’ll have corn on the cob.” Shrimp! Steaks! All we cared about was getting together. In fact, one person changed their plans in order to come. Yippi!

As my excitement started ramping up....I fixed up the house, got out some cool Italian pottery, and had Jerry take a nap. I made sure the grill (barbee) was working fine, put some things in the oven, and poured some nuts in a bowl. Then, I poured a little wine and went up stairs to get ready.

Jerry had to look “hot” so I dressed my handsome (but emaciated) dude in some navy blue shorts and a cool long sleeve button down shirt....no socks...and some deck shoes. Feeling feisty, I decided to put on the sexiest black top that I had. Hey! I’m 58. It’s either now or never.

One by one the guests arrived...and so did the rain! Of the men, one was a boat builder, one was a pool builder, one was a retired United Airline pilot, and one then, there’s Jerry, a “retired” corporate guy. Even though Jerry doesn’t speak, the guys did their best to keep him included. Of the girls, three are artists, two play tennis. The United Airline pilot cared for his wife’s mother for three years. She passed away with Alzheimer disease. I’ll call him the gentle soul. Besides, my being retired from American AIrlines, practically makes us kin after our 911 experience. When the rains came, I played the poor wife routine and offered to hold the umbrella for whichever brave soul volunteered to cook the steaks. So I dangled a raw steak in front of them and looked to see who would come running. Joe.....ahhh, my good ole, Joe, who cooked them to perfection. (I had to say that just in case he reads this blog,)

The girls made sure I was seated away from Jerry and put him right in the middle of the guys. Nice. At one time, I even saw out of the corner of my eye, the “gentle soul” cutting Jerry’s steak. How cool was that! No one made any big deal of it. Good job, everyone. The chatter never stopped until about 11pm, when Jerry said, “It’s time to go.” Funny. Everyone jumped up. I’m not sure if he thought they should leave or if he though he should leave.

Anyway, the night as good and well worth the effort. Neither rain, nor fear, nor Alzheimers could keep us from having a good time.

Ya Gotta Laugh

It’s been a good day. Jerry woke up with a glazed look and kept it for over an hour. However, once we got the breakfast and shower in, he began to clear up. After his shower, I told him that it was just the two of us again. "Ohhhhh :(" You know...I'm just not enough....he wants a visitor every day. Humph! Anyway, I told him I needed to "make some money" and that I needed to paint for just a little while, but that I had a project for him. I collected the coins that he had in a jar on his dresser and put them on the kitchen table. "It's like a puzzle." I said. "What I'd like for you to do is stack them." He seemed to like the idea. So, I put the timer on one hour and went down stairs. (I turned on the history channel, too.) He actually let me paint for almost an hour! Yippi!

After that, we went to have lunch, then grocery shopping. He was actually pretty alert at lunch. In fact, he even said a complete sentence and ate his entire grouper sandwich. WIth both hands! Once lunch was over, we headed to the grocery store. Here's what was funny. The bagger bagged his chicken pot pies and handed them to Jerry to put in the cart. Jerry held on to them. Then as the bagger began to fill the cart with bags of groceries, Jerry would take them out and put them on the counter. I had to chuckle. Smiling, the bagger said, "Somedays, I do that too when I'm not paying attention." Then, Jerry drove the cart right through the checkout line.

A good morning is more than I could ask for. Warm fuzzies abound. Time for his nap. Talk to you tomorrow.

Much Better

Jerry's been a little better the past couple of days. Looks like the anti-anxiety drug has helped take the edge off. He's not following me around everywhere, he's much more relaxed. I'm actually able to go to the "thrown" without his accompanying me. ( ..and I'm not talking about the heavenly thrown either.) Hmm. Maybe I'll get to take a bath. Yippi! I decided to half the dose. ..at least for now. Today, he was relaxed, but not knocked out. He watched the history channel, then when it was time to walk the dog, he got up and WE walked the dog. That was a great improvement from his pacing days.

A happy Jerry is a happy Sue.

Flowers

Today was the absolute best day. Jerry went out with Robert. He couldn't wait! While he was out, I went with two artist girlfriends to breakfast. Yippi! Blueberry pancakes! After breakfast, we painted ...yep, you heard it...we painted. It was so cool to turn on some hip hop music and paint. Thank heavens, no one was looking because we three women hipped and hopped with paint brushes in our hands. I love being old! When 2:00 came around it was time for Robert to bring Jerry home. I had him bring Jerry to Rose's house. Jerry loves his Rosie. We turned on the history channel and fluffed up some pillows and Jerry was ready for his nap. What made it so perfect was that her little doggie Bella, curled up right beside him. They slept for about two hours. How good was that!

Two paintings and a glass of wine later, we came home and to my surprise there were flowers waiting for me from Christine Smith, an old friend from my working days. What a sweet surprise! It even had chocolate! Oh dear GOD! Chocolate! The message was. "Here's a great big hug and a lifetime of GOOD days!"

I am so blessed....blessed beyond words. So blessed to have such thoughtful friends who stick by us. It's more than I deserve.

Volunteers

I met with the guys organizing the volunteer team today. There were several things that they requested.

Living with the Alzheimer person creates a world where Alzheimer symptoms become a way of life. I take for granted walking through a store knowing that Jerry won't wander too far off. I'm pretty relaxed about it and have developed a sixth sense. My eye has an automatic peripheral vision that knows where Jerry is. (at least most of the time.) I don't think twice about ordering for him in a restaurant or cutting his food. I know he wants sweet tea.

Sometimes, I think this isn't going to work. After all, Jerry is so unpredictable. Sometimes "here" and sometimes "not". Will these folks know what to do? Will they be comfortable? I think if they can relax, just be themselves, and go with the flow with Jerry, they will be ok.

In order to make folks feel comfortable, they would like menus and favorite eating places, an id bracelet, and I suggested a "business card" that says, "Hi. I'm Jerry. I have Alzheimer disease." This would be so that the volunteer doesn't have to explain every time Jerry strikes up a conversation with someone. It's also good for the volunteer to know that Jerry will do better if he keeps hydrated and eats a snack about every two hours. They also need to know not to expect any elation or excitement out of Jerry. The levels of emotion are pretty even. It's good for them to know not to ask questions and expect an answer. It's better to lead or say, "let's do this." They might even talk about their own childhood years.

The volunteer needs to know that Jerry can't choose whether he wants a shrimp burger or a hamburger. He can't tell the volunteer where he would like to eat. The volunteer needs to know what to do when Jerry keeps asking about his wife. They need to know to speak slowly with intent. They need to know that even though Jerry may not speak...he still is listening. They need to know he is still wise. They need to know that he likes country music and movies about WWII or the civil war. They need to know he likes Dairy Queen and ice cream of any kind. They need to love his dog.

They need to walk slow and along side of Jerry. (and that is real SLOW). They need to laugh and lighten up. It'll help.

For Jerry, all it takes is someone who is kind and sincere. He's not high maintenance. He's compliant and still a gentleman. Most of all, he's very appreciative of anyone who shows an act of kindness.

Not So Bad

Ok, so I was all emotional in the last blog. It was a big step for me to give Jerry that anti-anxiety drug. The emotional stuff is just going to happen. It's the part of the journey. When I went back upstairs, I saw Jerry leaning over, like he was trying to get up, but he was asleep. Don't know why but I thought that was funny. It was as if the separation anxiety was making him get up, but the drug was trying to stop him in his tracks. It really was a little funny.

I went over and officially woke him up and he really wasn't that groggy. He seemed to be ok. (until he ate the dog biscuits. I'll talk about that later.) Well, why not now. He saw Montana and wanted to do something for her, so I gave him some dog biscuits to give her. Then, I turned and went into the kitchen to get him something to drink. When I came back. there was Jerry.....eating doggie biscuits. I'm sorry, but I laughed. When I asked him if the dog biscuits tastes good...he actually smiled a sheepish grin.....it was a good way to wake up.

So as not to dwell forever on the couch, we went outside to take the dog for a bike ride. I had my reservations about Jerry riding...but he did ok. Course, we don't ride very far...just around the corner. But, for the life of me, I am amazed that he has the balance to ride that bike.

So, just to relieve you, I thought I'd tell you that I think it will be good for Jerry to take this medicine. He was relieved from his struggle and I was refreshed after a 2 hour break. I think it's a go.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Ok, so you know Jerry's been experiencing so much anxiety the last few months. I finally, did what I never wanted to do. I succumbed to an anti-anxiety drug. It did just as I expected; put him to sleep. Just what I was afraid of. I suppose I should talk about why I was afraid. I've never wanted to drug Jerry. The Aricept and Namenda have always seemed to help, so those drugs actually enhanced Jerry's presence. This one takes him away. If you think about it, taking him away probably eases his struggle, yet it takes him away from me. It's seems like a picture of what's to come. A life without Jerry. Oh man, I'm going to make myself cry. Whahhhhhh!

The pharmacist told me it would take effect in about 20 minutes and that I could try to determine what caused Jerry the most stress and anxiety, then time it accordingly. He said it would last about 6 hours. His most difficult time (the pacing, the up and down, the standing at my door) usually happens at its worse during the sundown hours, from 3-6, so I gave him his first dose, today, at 2;30. He was asleep by 3:00. All I wanted to do was keep my arm around him.

Talking myself into leaving him, I headed down to the studio to paint. Thought it would take my mind off of him. I AM WRITING THIS NOW. Every stroke I made, I said a new sentence of this blog to myself. Figured, I'd may as well write while the thoughts are fresh in my mind. There are a whirlwind of thoughts swirling in my head. My son says I think too much. Can't help it. My father was a "thinker" and so am I.

Can't stay at this computer all day. I am going to get up and finish this commission. I am going to focus. I am going to refresh my mind. I am.

Then, I'm going upstairs to be with Jerry.

An Aside

I just wanted to remind everyone that the purpose of this blog is not be cute or funny or sad or depressing. It's just a written version of the reality of living with Alzheimer disease. I realize it's not always funny. I realize that some times it's down right depressing.it's not exactly pleasure reading.

The purpose of this blog is to give insight to anyone either going through this journey or insight to anyone who has an interest of being a support to someone going through this journey. WIthout knowing the reality, it's pretty hard to understand. So when I get all down...it's because that's the way it is. When I am all funny about things, it's because that's how I cope.

I hope this will be a helpful tool for understanding.

These Eyes

"Oh Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me. Thou dost know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thought from afar." "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it." Psalm 139 1-2,6

Have you ever watched the eyes of someone when you're having a conversation with them? I'm an eye contact person. When I meet someone who never looks me in the eye, I think there must be something shady, insincere, or maybe that person is insecure, or even can't face whatever's going on in their life. I wonder if they look in their own eyes when they look in the mirror. Eyes can express a giving heart; a heart with compassion, even a heart of evil.

The eyes of someone with alzheimer disease are gripping. Anyone who has been a caregiver knows what I am talking about. So many people avoid eye contact with someone with Alzheimer disease; probably out of a sense of fear of what to say. It takes courage to look into the eyes. Jerry's eyes are the window to his soul. Funny. When we were young lovies...I told him he had "bedroom" eyes. I still look into his eyes, but now I see hurt, fear, confusion, and a sense of loss. They say, "help me." The lights are beginning to dim in those eyes now, where once they were bright and winsome.

I'm so glad that I made the decisions I did a few years ago. We travelled for almost 6 months and lived life like newlyweds (with money). I have no regrets about that. I highly recommend it. My friend thanked my making the next comment. She said it was profound. Don't know how profound it was, but here it is.

Live life to the fullest while you can. It may be 2 years, it may be 20, but these years you'll never get back. Be on a perpetual honeymoon. Laugh! Travel! Go out to eat! Garden! Be spontaneous! Love, love, love. Because later on, the only love he'll understand is holding him.

It's time treasured before the lights go out.

Gotta Get a Grip

It's time I do some self analysis and get a grip on things. I just had way too high of expectations of my weekend with the boys. Being a little more needy than usual, I think I needed their lovin'. I envisioned this commercial like happy day skipping along with gleeful little pirate boys then receiving the "coolest grammy" award. You see, deep down inside, maybe I was just looking for an escape....a carefree day where Alzheimer world was far, far away. (Hey, I'm a poet!) As it turned out, the boys were, well, boys, and Alzheimer world came right along with us. I think I bit off more than I could chew and in my disappointment, I cried when I turned them back over to their mommie. Anyway, on the way home, Jerry and I were kind of quiet. Then, out of the blue, with a fading voice, in a complete sentence, Jerry said, "I know you won't be able to keep me." Then, his eyes welled up with tears. I suppose it's been in the back of our minds for quite some time and has effected our behavior for a while. This time, he was able to verbalize it. Taken back, I empathized at first. I was driving, so I patted his leg. He cried some more. Then, I tried to reassure him that I was going to try to keep him for as long as I can because we're best friends.

I know this conversation was probably gone from his mind in a matter of minutes, but at least we had it. I also, know that he is trying to stay "with me". He's trying to be functional. Yet, the fear looms and I see his eyes well up countless times throughout the day.

Lest, I lose it, I'm taking the bull by the horn. I put out a distress signal to our friends at church and 11 people signed up to help. I am so overwhelmed at the compassion from these folks. What an encouragement. I also, emailed our doctor and we're adjusting his medications and adding a low dose of an anti-anxiety medication. I'm contacting our insurance, veterans administrative services, and hospice services tomorrow to see what support is available there. This time I'm not just doing research, I'm going to put a plan in action.

All I know is that I can't do this alone, and I've got to get more balance back into our lives. The race is starting to get the best of me and we've got a long way to go,

The Pirate Invasion-Just a Normal Day

Today was the reenactment of an actual pirate invasion of the town of Beaufort several hundred years ago. Did you know the town of Beaufort, North Carolina is 301 years old? It's older than the United States of America. Just a little trivia for you. For some reason I had this brilliant idea of taking my two oldest grand boys to the reenactment. They are 4 and 6. I thought it would be something fun and that Jerry would enjoy it. So, I packed up some bottled water and a few snacks and off we went; two boys with swords in the back seat and one alzheimer "boy", who doesn't like loud noises, in the front seat. Now you and I both know that little boys are one series of squealing noises after another. Are you getting the picture? Overall, it went pretty well, until we walked into the area where we saw some pirates. Those pirates looked real. In fact, they were real....actors. As soon, as Captain Sweetie said that his wife talked back to him and the bones in the casket were hers....things turned into a slight challenge. Fletcher, the 4 year old, was so scared that he was literally shaking. Shiver me timbers! Trying to laugh, I coaxed them all over to the next group of pirates who had treasures in their chest, but it was still a "no deal" for Fletcher. He wanted to go home!

Doubt and decision filled my mind. Do we go home, or do we stay? The older one wanted to stay. The grumpy old man was quiet but "put out". In order to distract all of them, I saw a cute little tour boat that would tootle us around the harbor, so we hopped on. The little boys liked it, and quizzed the tour guide with "what makes the tide go in and out?" and the like. The Alzheimer boy said, "oh, boy!" then promptly stared at me the entire time. I kept turning him the other way and said, "Look at the wild ponies." He'd turn, look, then turn back.

Determined that this would be a good day, I completely ignored the set of eyes in front of me and tried to get some decent pictures of the harbor. But, by the end of the tour, I was ready to get off. Next, we headed back to a little shop where I promised the boys that they could pick out some pirate attire; one hook, 2 swords, and a telescope. Arrrrrgh! But, by the end of the shopping trip, Fletcher realized that the "invasion" was about to begin and cannons wood start to boom, so he started to get all shaky at the knees again. Jerry was completely confused and repeating, "It's hot." over and over. I didn't know who's hand to hold, but I just sloughed it all off and hoped to appease them both with something cold to drink that I had waiting in the car. As soon as we got to the car....he was buckled in. "I wanna go home." Arrrrrrgh! If we stayed Fletcher would have a heart attack. If we left, Granville would cry.

So I decided to let Jerry decide. "Hey Jerry. Did you know there's a pirate invasion?" I said. Clueless, he said, "There is? Let's stay." Hee! Hee!

As it turned out, we walked on down to the docks where the battle was to begin and I saw an ice cream shop. "Ah-ha! Ice cream." "Boys best friend!" and we watched the battle from the safety of the ice cream shop window."

Eyes Wide Open

We're up in Raleigh for a couple of days. The caregiver needs to have some routine checkups done. The car ride was so nice yesterday. Jerry actually rested his head and fell asleep. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep.

The past few weeks, Jerry has been anxious. Anxious about "the dog". Anxious about where I am. Anxious about the neighbor across the street. Anxious when he's left alone. (Meaning, I am not in the room.) I don't want to put him on any meds because I don't like their side effects. His eyes light up when I tell him someone is coming over; like when I tell him Robert is coming, he responds with a "ohhhh. I love him." (In Alzheimer language.) I don't know what it is, but they have a very special bond.

Jerry use to sleep a lot. He also use to watch a lot of television. Now, he does neither. He does not have the attention span for tv. In fact, he stands up and walks around every three to five minutes. It's become a joke. I tell him to stay seated or I'll have to get a seatbelt. "No you're not", he says. Unless it's perhaps, Everybody Loves Raymond, or the history channel, he's not staying put. Funny. I remember when we were "healthy", I would always nag him that he watched too much tv. NOW, I WOULD LOVE FOR HIM TO WATCH IT. The only way I can get him to sit still is if I sit next to him. (glued....seriously, shoulder to shoulder.) Bob DeMarco, from the Alzheimer reading room suggested I try stacking coins around the house to see if Jerry would get interested in them. I'll try that.

As far as sleeping; his sleep habits are changing. Last night, he got up at least three times. He'd walk halfway to the bathroom, then come back. Halfway...then come back...halfway...then come back. Finally, I got up and walked him all the way there. I guess he forget where he was going and why. The mornings are my coveted quiet times to regroup before the day begins. When the sun comes up, I usually roll over to get out of bed, I look to see if he's still breathing, tuck him in, then tiptoe out of the room and hope he sleeps until 8:00. This morning, I rolled over to see.....his eyes WIDE OPEN. Eeee-gads! I got up, reminded him it was too early for him to get up and asked him to go back to sleep. He didn't.

This new stage; the one he's been going into for the last month or so, is quite a new challenge. I've got a lot to learn and I hope I can learn it quick. I need suggestions. FIre away! (no floral paintings today!)

So, you can see why I was comforted to see him actually sleeping on the drive up yesterday. Whew! A sigh of relief.

Worry

It's Sunday and you know what that means, don't you? A NAP! No, really, today we studied about worry. Believe me, I could share a thing or two about worry. Worry can take me over that waterfall so quick that I'd be drowning in no time.

In the beginning stages of this disease I learned that it would be a waste of time and energy to worry about things that may never happen. Will he go crazy? Will he become incontinent? What will I do if he wanders? What if I die before he does? What will happen to him? There's a ton of scripture about worry...in fact, there's a whole passage about the cure for anxiety in Matthew 6:25-34.

Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt. 6:34

You got that right? It's all I can do not to lose my patience with Jerry on a daily basis.

For me, I didn't find it hard to give up worrying about Jerry's health. Once I realized there was nothing I could do about it and that the Alzheimer disease would take its course just the way it wanted, I was able to let go of control. And death, is something that neither of us fear because of our belief in spending eternity with God.

I think the hardest thing for me are the things that I feel responsible for, like: finances! We were very fortunate in that Jerry did well in his early years and had enough to live on with very little income for 12 years. (so far.) His "going out" early, however did not allow us much time to prepare for the future. (HA! What a crazy notion. Prepare for the future. Who could ever prepare for this!) Sorry for the sarcasm. Let's get back to finances. If I'm not careful, I can get really freaked out over how long I can make it last. I've been prepared for years to sell our home, move into a smaller home or apartment, if that's what I had to do to pay for a facility. Now, however, with America's economic downturn, I wouldn't be able to get the equity out of it that I needed to continue to provide for Jerry. And there's not enough in our IRAs or retirement funds to pay for a nice dinner at a fine dining restaurant! YA SEE HOW THE WORRY BALL IS STARTING TO ROLL ?

I don't know the percentages, but I know that many Alzheimer patients end up with full time nursing care or in assisted living communities that drain every penny of what has been accumulated. So, do I just go ahead and spend? Or do I save every scrap for later? Do I go broke now? Or do I go broke later? The government sure isn't going to help out because we actually DO have a little income. See? The worry ball keeps rolling faster and faster. Course, he may never reach that point. There's that worry thing again. I'll keep him at home and hire help. You heard it. HIRE! Hire does not mean work for free. Cha- ching! I honestly don't see any earthly solution. ACCEPT.... Better sell more paintings! That's REAL CAUSE FOR WORRY!

Cast all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Scavenger Hunt

Yesterday was Friday. Friday has always been our date day, only in our early years, it wasn't date day...it was date night. In our younger years we went to nice restaurants. Yesterday, we went to an old barn. My, how things have changed. We went on a scavenger hunt to find junk. Actually, Jerry likes to do anything as long as it involves getting in the car and going for a ride. So, I told him we were going on a scavenger hunt to find old metals, unusual pieces of wood, or any other treasures we might find. We went to an old salvage barn near Wilmington. The elder gentleman who owned the place was quite an artist. He created all sorts of unique pieces, from lamps to tables to bar fronts, with salvaged pieces from old houses.

I was in heaven! After wandering around for a while, I limited myself to $20 and he gave me a box to fill up. I could hardly stand it. Jerry was my scout and my heavy lifter. Eventually, I settled on some old blocks from a machine warehouse built in 1907. I figure these blocks would work as a nice pieces to place a small canvas work on. So, there we were, Jerry, Sue and a box of blocks.

A reader mentioned that I didn't post pieces of my collages on the blog. Jerry and I had gone earlier to a friend's house and I discovered the beauty of this old strip of copper. My wonderful and generous friend gave me this piece....it's my passion to take old found things: metal, sea glass, broken pottery, fabrics, etc, and make things new again. So here's what I've been doing with it. You can click on each piece and see them up close. Pretty artsy fartsy! Here goes.......

Sunrise

Lest you think I have my alarm clock set....think again. My alarm clock has been shoved under my bed for years. It's just that since Jerry won't go to bed without me so we go to bed around 9 pm. Some people get work done at night....I'm an early riser. This morning, my eyes opened before 6 o'clock. Montana heard me stir and we were up! I tucked Jerry in, then decided we'd treat ourselves to a walk on the beach. Montana loves to walk the beach and patiently waits for me to unlatch her leash. Then she turns on the speed when she sees the seagulls huddled in their town meeting. She chases them out into the waves like any respectable cattle dog would do, then proudly prances back to me for my approval. Cool dog.

On the way back, the sky was weighed down in a grey violet on the horizon, but I could see there was about an inch slit of florescent orange about a third of the way up, where the sun was making its appearance.. (Think perspective, now.) Above the layer of grey was the most beautiful light cyan blue. It's going to be a beautiful day.

Yesterday, while Jerry was with John, I went to my friend, Rose's, house again. She has a really cool set up. I took a couple of boxes of collage supplies over there and we set out to create our masterpieces on her table next to her pool. Whenever we got too hot, we'd just jump in her pool. What a great life! When 2:00 rolled around, (2:00 is my curfew), I had John drop Jerry off at her house. Rose and I walked up to give Jerry a big hug. She got to him first and said, "Hello, Jerry. It's Rose." He looked at her with a sheepish grin as if he had no idea who she was. Rose is a gentle soul with beautifully compassionate eyes. He looked at her. Looked around. Said, "Where's ?" Rose, said, "Where's your wife?" She's right here. I was standing right next to her.

I think what was happening, was that I am the one who always greets him with a big welcome hug. I honestly think, he thought she was me...but "I" looked different. Then when she said, "I'm Rose". He didn't know what to think.

Anyway, Rose brought Jerry something to drink and I got Jerry in his bathing suit. We were hoping he would float around in her pool, while we worked a little more. After all, who wouldn't love to lounge around a pool with beautiful "50 something" women in bathing suits. (stop laughing.) Didn't work. Jerry wanted to be right next to me at the table. We were standing and he is tall, and he would rather stand next to me with the wind blowing the umbrella against his head. Oh well.

After a little while, we decided to call it a day. Jerry was happy about that so he could have me to himself. Course, when we got home, forgetting he had been out, he looked at me and asked, "you want to go somewhere?". What's a girl to do?

A Friend's Passing

I would like to respectfully dedicate this day to Kenny.Sometimes with Alzheimer disease, the brain just forgets to tell the heart to beat.

A short while ago, my friend's husband, Kenny, passed away. Kenny was diagnosed with Alzheimer Disease 9 years ago. Kenny had been living in a nursing home and had only been there for one month. According to his sweet wife, he had been declining rapidly in recent months, but she failed to see it. That happens when we see them on a daily basis.

One morning a few weeks ago, Kenny was sitting on the side of the bed. He was surrounded by pictures of beloved family and friends. His nurse was in the room. According to the nurse, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, silent, gazing at his pictures. Then asked if he could lie down. She helped him down, then he took his last breath. Kenny was gone. Kenny was finally at peace.

Although my friend's life was dedicated to his care for 9 years, she's still in shock that this chapter of their lives is over. While Kenny's passing was truly merciful, he will be terribly missed. My heart is broken for his wife.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Surely, God knows her grief because of the death of His Son, and will, in time, restore her.

Weeds - It's Not About Me

It's very interesting, the things I glean from my garden. This morning, instead of walking Montana, "we" worked on the yard. After all, I am the gardener, ya know. Montana's the supervisor. We had a "hint", very slight hint, of fall in the morning air. The crepe myrtle that I so carefully manicured in the spring, looked like a hippy. Her bloom spent branches were nearly dragging the ground. If not dragging the ground, they would surely scrape someone's head if they walked under it. She was ready for a cut.

One thing led (or is that lead) to another and before I knew it, I was cutting back the jasmine growing around my carport. They had gotten so long and wiry, that they would wrap themselves around any passenger getting of of the car. Snip!

Then, I noticed the weeds. Now how did that weed find its way out of that concrete? Look! There's another one! Those evil things! They're living! Not even the concrete could keep them from growing. Then it dawned on me. They found the light. Even if it was a small glimmer of light seeping through the crack, they found it and came to it out of the darkness.

I am the light of the world; he who follows Me shall not walk in the darkness, but shall have the light of life. John 8:12

Hmmmm. Do you think Jesus learned that from nature? Or was the other way around?

Ya'll. This is Too Funny

I don't usually read those silly email jokes, but this is EXACTLY how it is in Alzheimer world.

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath.

She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful... knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

I thought I would die when I read that joke. That's exactly how it is. Jerry has no problem putting his pants on...he just can't remember if he's putting them on or taking them off. He knows how to use his electric shaver...he just can't remember if he just started or just finished. He has no problem grabbing the bag of trash...he just can't remember if he's to take it to the trash can or bring it to me. He has no problem carrying the groceries...he just can't remember if he's to unload the bag inside the car or inside the kitchen.

This is the way it is. It's too funny not to laugh.